Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft

Sep 2003 · Sold by Penguin

About this ebook

In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship.

He says he loves you. So...why does he do that?
 
You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about:
 
• The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely

“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

Ratings and reviews

This book and others alike do not consider the manipulative factor of the fake would be victim of the supposed abuser. This mainstream narrative of mostly men being stereotyped as the uncontrollable monster to the poor damsel spouse in distress is very misleading in todays real world. Too many modern day factors are now being uncovered about the psychological mind games being done by the fake victim against the would be abuser. Now this doesnt refer to the women who are under physical attacks daily by their spouses and continually undergo new events happening daily to them. I'm more referring to the borderline personality disorder types who mirror and gas light at every tale and chance they get to an audience who has no clue on what's really taking place.

As the grown adult child of a narrsisstic parent, having experienced verbal and physical abuse, it is on point for most abuse situations involving the father. I have an aunt who is also a narrsisstic abuser. The patterns in this book also apply to women who are narrsisstic absuers. The patterns are the same, just flip the gender. A true female narrsisst will look for a male that is recessive and passive to her--like my aunt did with my uncle--to enable abuse of spouse and children. It is about dominance. The book gets four stars only because: 1) It does seem dated as most psychologists today have already begun identifying these patterns of abusers he describes in the book with a specific mental health issue--narsissm. 2) Most narcisstic abusers fall into a lot of the patterns described in this book. The book fails to properly identify, communicate, and explain how to handle a narcisst. Overall: Very impressed! My wife recommended it. I am also recommending it to others.

I had to read this in Therapy for my Domestic Violence class when I stayed in a safe house. It helped me to open my eyes and see that I wasn't the problem my ex fiance was...

About the author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?. Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad.