Modern Romance

Aziz Ansari · Eric Klinenberg

Jun 2015 · Sold by Penguin

About this ebook

The #1 New York Times Bestseller

“An engaging look at the often head-scratching, frequently infuriating mating behaviors that shape our love lives.” —Refinery 29

A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from Aziz Ansari, the star of Master of None and one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices

At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?

Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” 

But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.

For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.

In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

Ratings and reviews

I love his sketches and he's hilarious, but his book just reiterated some of his points and it felt dragged out. It was an interesting take and most of his research was cool to read, but there's a point when someone begins to try too hard to price who they are and I believe that's what was done here...

I listened to the audiobook on Audible, which was cool because it was actually read by Aziz himself. Modern Romance is insightful and well written. The only problem is, it's not what I was expecting. I was expecting more comedy, witty observations, and funny anecdotes. What got was a full-fledged study on modern romance, complete with detailed statistics, and somewhat limited humorous commentary on those stats. I probably should have done some more research before purchasing, so that's on me. Although it's not what I was expecting, I did learn a lot, and it gave me a great new perspective on my current and previous relationships. Facts and figures are presented in an easily-digestible manner. The jokes are good for a chuckle, but it's definitely not non-stop laughs like his standup comedy. Bottom line, this is a great book, but don't expect a written version of Aziz's standup. This is an insightful and informative book written by an intelligent young comedian with a great personality.

I've read a lot of books about dating, both because I date and because I'm interested in how people find and connect with each other. "Modern Romance" is easily the funniest and most practical out of everything I've read. What's more, this book goes beyond dating to show how communication has changed at every level thanks to technologies like Facebook, Tindr, texting and the internet.

About the author

Aziz Ansari is a writer, stand-up comedian, and actor. He starred in, wrote, and directed his own original series for Netflix--Master of None--winner of the 2016 Critics' Choice Television Award for Best Comedy Series. Ansari is also the winner of a 2016 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series. In 2014, Ansari became the seventh comedian ever to sell out Madison Square Garden in New York. His two sold-out performances at the legendary arena were filmed for his fourth comedy special, "Aziz Ansari: Live at Madison Square Garden," which was released in March of 2015 on Netflix. For seven seasons, he starred as Tom Haverford on the beloved NBC comedy series Parks and Recreation with Amy Poehler and other great people. He has also appeared in several films including This Is the End, Funny People, and 30 Minutes or Less. He enjoys eating fresh pasta and watching multiple hours of critically acclaimed television dramas in one sitting.

Eric Klinenberg is a professor of sociology at NYU. He's the author of Going Solo and 2020: One City, Seven People, and the Year Everything Changed, and he has contributed to The New Yorker, Rolling Stone, and This American Life.