I Want My Epidural Back: Adventures in Mediocre Parenting

Karen Alpert

Apr 2016 · HarperCollins

About this ebook

Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child.

If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book.

But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book.

I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

Ratings and reviews

The prologue is like getting dp piledriven with no lube while striking the mirror pose from psycho i.e. 200% intensity plus cocaine level attempted edginess, with the whole celebrated author racket thrust in your face as a weak crutch when the whole yarn only serves to resonate with the lowest common denominator... if this is 'best seller', then idiocracy draws ever nearer, nevermind doomsday

I stumbed on this piece of literature after searching for the My McDonald's App and this being my first result. After reading the sample of the book I have to say I really appreciate having below Mediocre parents. Thankfully instead of having to listen to the authors delightfully witty anecdotes on life, I got mentally and physically abused by meth addicted parents. I did chuckle when I read that her son Commodore pulled a Mike Tyson at Kindy. Did they stitch the kids ear back on? Was there some sort of underground toddler fight club? Was her baby just an absolute monster? If you are a mother who has very little interests or life besides her kids you will find this hilarious. If not you will annoy your fiance forcing her to listen to the overly forced trashy mum humour. Definitely wouldn't recommend this over the official My McDonald's App which is the second result. I would give this 1.5 stars for the original art but I don't think I can justify rounding it up to a two star.

A very honest, real and funny read. Made me feel like a 'normal' mommy

About the author

Karen Alpert loves her family, chocolate and writing, in that order. So when she’s not taking care of her kiddos or drinking Hershey’s syrup straight from the bottle, she’s probably working on her blog Baby Sideburns where she entertains hundreds of thousands of stressed out parents every day. She is a New York Times bestselling author and also an expert nagger who relentlessly badgers her husband until he finally breaks down and does what she wants.