Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern

May 2010 · HarperAudio · Narrated by Sean Schemmel

About this audiobook

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is ""like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,"" has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

""That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""

""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""

""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.""

Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Ratings and reviews

I nearly died of laughter ever time I listened to this and I'm going to keep listening to for the rest of my life . I'm also happy that I got it on sale .

This book will have you literally "laughing out loud". Clever, witty, & relatable.

Hilarious! I laughed for three hours straight! The character voices are great.

About the author

Justin Halpern is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says, inspired by his massively popular Twitter feed. SPOILER ALERT: He lives with his wife in Los Angeles.