The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

Alan Downs, PhD

Jun 2012 · Highbridge Audio · Narrated by Alan Downs

About this audiobook

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out,” but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger-a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.  Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

Ratings and reviews

While this book does contain some useful information, it is wrapped up in unrelatable anecdotes that are sold as universal experiences and extremely problematic and reductive stereotypes of what it is to be a gay man. The author takes his experiences as an affluent cis white gay man, and the experiences of his affluent cis white gay male patients and says that they are the definitive gay experience. In doing so, he increases the sense of otherness, that he writes about healing in the book.

A book which won't change the world, but useful for those who are thinking about getting out of the closet and/or can't manage a good gay life. A great book!

The best book I've ever read. Sooooooo Enlightening and refreshing. Truly helped me to dig deeper into my self and understand who i am and why i am. This is my first step in accepting who i am

About the author

Alan Downs, Ph.D., is a psychologist and the author of four previous titles on psychology and business. He has a private therapy and consulting practice in Santa Fe, New Mexico.